


Never Enough

by EmilyFairy



Category: Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: Angst, Kissing, M/M, Post Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-10
Updated: 2006-04-10
Packaged: 2019-05-01 16:32:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14524707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyFairy/pseuds/EmilyFairy
Summary: All that time wasted. What had Jack said? Something about how there was never enough time, and the thing of it was, it was true. He was lucky if he saw Ryan once a year now. And it just wasn't enough, not anymore, when each time it got harder and harder to leave Ryan behind. Sometimes he wondered if maybe he should just stay away, but he never could.Just like Jack, Colin couldn't quit Ryan.[inspired byBrokeback Mountain.]





	Never Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2006, when this was actually culturally relevant, haha. :) But it's still an interesting read, at least I think so. This is another one that never went up on Clay's archive. I'm sure most people have seen it by now, but just in case, there are spoilers for _Brokeback Mountain_ in the story. 
> 
> I only have one more old fic to share after this, other than my "Big 2" (Extrasensory Series and Innocent Series). I will start posting those soon though. And even better, I'm going to finish them both, finally! :) So keep an eye out for that.

Colin felt Ryan's hand land on his shoulder. "Col?" 

He turned to look at Ryan sitting beside him with serious eyes, his mouth set in a straight line. "Hmm?" he asked, as he watched Pat playing peekaboo with baby Claire, Mac bent over a pile of homework, Sam playing a video game on his X-Box. 

Ryan leaned in close, not wanting the others to hear, even though the couch they were sitting on was clear across the room, next to the fireplace. "Can you come watch a movie with me? Just you and me?" He fidgeted, one knee bouncing as he waited for Colin's answer. 

Colin nodded, even though he'd been here several hours already and he had a long drive ahead of him, if he wanted to make it back to Portland on time. He had a rehearsal for his next show with Brad in the morning, but he had driven all the way up to Washington to steal a few moments with his best friend. He wasn't sure when he'd get the next chance to see him, since Ryan wasn't touring with him this summer. 

And not seeing Ryan wasn't an option. 

"Yeah, sure," he said, letting Ryan help him off the couch.

They snuck into the basement, where Ryan kept his home theater system under lock and key. Ryan led him into the darkened room, and pulled a DVD out of the front pocket of his hooded sweatshirt. Colin couldn't get a clear look at the cover, because Ryan was holding it with the back facing out. Not that it mattered, since it was too dark to see much of anything in the first place. 

"Pat, uh... doesn't know I have this," Ryan explained as he turned on the tv. 

"Please don't tell me you're gonna make me watch porn with you," Colin joked as he settled back onto the couch, pulling down the old afghan, the same one they used to cuddle under back when they were living in Vancouver... 

The blue screen lit Ryan's face as he loaded the DVD and pressed play. "No, it's not porn," he said as he returned to the couch. Colin automatically lifted up the afghan, letting Ryan slide underneath it, their sides pressing together. "It's--"

" _Brokeback Mountain_?" Colin realized, as the title screen came up. "Isn't that the one about--"

"Yeah," Ryan muttered, and Colin swore he was blushing a little. "Just watch it with me. Please? It's... important." 

"Oh, all right," Colin said, sighing. Ryan patted his knee, and Colin leaned back, getting carried away by the story as he always did. 

His heart twisted when Jack and Ennis had sex for the first time, because it startled him, the way it came out of nowhere. And for some reason the sight of them kissing the next night, bare-chested, desperately touching each other's faces, made him feel half turned on, because it was his own buried desires, never acted on, coming to life on the screen before him. And when Jack and Ennis ran out of the tent, chasing each other around in the grass, wrestling together and laughing, Colin couldn't help but think of all the times he and Ryan used to do that, when they were younger, and how much Colin had always loved it... 

When Ennis broke down and cried, after they left the mountain, Colin felt Ryan's breath hitch in his chest, and he took Ryan's hand. And when Ennis got married anyway, Colin wanted to smack him. 

Colin watched the anticipation, the excitement, on Ennis' face, when he knew he would be seeing Jack again, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Ryan nodding. And when they hugged, when Ennis took Jack and pulled him out of sight, grabbing onto him and kissing him so fiercely that his hat got knocked off, Ryan squeezed his hand and turned to look at him, and for just a second Colin saw his own longing mirrored in Ryan's face. 

They grew older before Colin's eyes, stealing moments here and there, moments marred with guilt and pain and maybe even a little shame. And when Jack admitted, "Sometimes I miss you so much, I can hardly stand it," Colin swallowed, hard, tears standing out in his eyes because he knew. He knew just what Jack meant, and he curled against Ryan, clutching at his sweatshirt, needing to touch him. Ryan wrapped his arms around him, and the heat under the afghan was suddenly unbearable, but Colin leaned into him anyway.

He managed to remain dry-eyed until Ennis found the shirts in the back of Jack's closet. For some reason this made him cry into Ryan's shoulder, wetting the arm of his sweatshirt. And when Ennis spoke to the shirts at the end, with the postcard of the mountain tacked up above them on the closet door, Colin bawled, tears streaming down his face, and Ryan squeezed him until he could hardly breathe. 

All that time wasted. What had Jack said? Something about how there was never enough time, and the thing of it was, it was true. He was lucky if he saw Ryan once a year now. And it just wasn't enough, not anymore, when each time it got harder and harder to leave Ryan behind. Sometimes he wondered if maybe he should just stay away, but he never could. 

Just like Jack, Colin couldn't quit Ryan. 

"Col," Ryan whispered, wiping the stray tears off of Colin's cheeks. "I love--"

"Shh," Colin replied, pressing their foreheads together. He reached up one hand and cupped it around the back of Ryan's head, nestling his fingers into Ryan's hair. 

"I know, Ry," he said, looking into his best friend's wet eyes. "Me too."

And Colin wasn't sure who kissed who first, lips meeting lips in the light flickering dark. All he knew was it would never be enough. 

And he wasn't sure if this story would have a happier ending.


End file.
